Tuesday, November 23, 2010

On Infidelity

I believe wholeheartedly that some people are just not built to be monogamous. But I am not one of those people.

I have never in my life been unfaithful to anyone I have been in a relationship – I haven’t even kissed anyone else or so much as considered it while I have been in a relationship. In return, I expect the same loyalty and fidelity from whoever I am with and in all but two relationships I have been fortunate enough to enjoy that same respect.

The reason I started this post the way I did is that I was debating with a guy I know earlier on about his setup. His wife just left him because he slept with someone else.

“You can’t seriously blame her?” I questioned.

“Some people aren’t made to be monogamous,” was his defence.

Our debate went on. But I essentially told him is that I agree – some people are not supposed to be monogamous and I know biologists who would argue that this is just the “human condition.”

I don’t believe we are incapable of monogamy, but I think some people definitely are. However, rather than this being a defence for someone being unfaithful to their wife or partner, I think it’s quite the contrary.

“So why the Hell do you even enter into a monogamous relationship if you know you cannot do it?” I asked my friend.

He had no response.

See, I genuinely believe that you owe it not only to potential partners but to yourself too that if you are either not ready for monogamy or just “aren’t built for it,” that you don’t enter into a relationship with someone who wants that from you. You either need to engage in open relationships or none.

I wasn’t ready for monogamy in my late teens... or really early twenties. I then committed to a monogamous relationship at 22 and remained faithful within it. After that and following the death of my Mother, it wasn’t something I wanted. And so I had a series of casual relationships were both parties were happy with that setup. It has only been in the last year or so that I have really considered myself 100% ready for commitment and for offering up the rest of my life to someone.

You just know when it’s right. For the first time in my life I look at the woman I am with and know that I never, ever, ever want to be next to someone else, that I only ever want my fingertips to dance across her skin and that I will never utter an “I love you,” to anyone else. That makes my heart leap with joy. But I know for some people that concept is hideous lol.

I don’t believe anyone should be looked down on for being the type of person who does not engage in monogamy. The only time it’s an issue is if they expect it in return from someone else and promise their loyalty with no intention of following that through.

But for me... Well I’ve got everything I want in one woman. Why would I look anywhere else?

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