Monday, June 28, 2010


For as long as I can remember, (ok since my Mother died) I have been of the school of thought that people shouldn't NEED other people. I had to make an exception when my son came into my life and within minutes of seeing his face for the first time I knew that I needed him in my life in order to maintain happy. But with family exceptions aside, I have maintanied, particularly romantically speaking, that nobody NEEDS anybody and that really we only ever want.

I'm rethinking this.

I spoke to a friend over the weekend who I have no spoken to properly in a while. I won't go into the wheres, whats and whys of it all, but suffice to say that the down feeling that seems to have haunted me for the past few weeks lifted. It's amazing what a bit of laughter can do for the soul, admittedly. But it was more than that. I feel like I'm in a whole different place today than where I was before speaking to that friend on Saturday.

Relief. Smiles. Laughter.

If you have to speak to someone in order to achieve happy, that's 'need' right?

And you know what? It doesn't piss me off or disappoint me that I need anyone. No man is an island... not even this one.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

We Got Bitch Slapped

Same old England....

So not only do we go out of the world cup, we go out in phenomenal style, annihilated by the Germans.

Incredibly, incredibly disappointing. But we had a piss poor tournament.

Oh well... Argentina play tonight and I'm now backing those fellas all the way!!


Friday, June 25, 2010

Kate Tempest - Inspiring Young Slam Poet

This girl sticks two fingers up at everyone who believes kids brought up in certain areas can't achieve anything.

What talent.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

"I Just Need a Hug"

My son thinks he has established the cause of his upset.

"I know Mum can't live here anymore and she has to live in Heaven. But can't she even come back just for a hug?"

I admit it. There's nothing quite like a hug from Mum and as much as I pride myself on the high quality of my hugs, I can't give him a Mum-style hug. He cuddles my sister a lot.

"I'm sorry... she can't."

"I know she can't. But I'm still sad."

But hey... we all feel like that sometimes, right? Sometimes we all just need a hug? From Mum.... from girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, someone you miss.

So here's to hugs :)

One Day

I'm sure one day,
You'll be a wife,
A Mother too,
Your perfect life.

One day I'm sure
That you will be
The published writer
That I see.

One day you'll have
What you deserve,
A happy, homely life
Well earned.

And I will smile
In adoration
Silently whispering

Monday, June 21, 2010

Eminem - Recovery

Eminem's new album, Recovery, was released today. First thing I did... download it from Amazon.


I'm not usually a rap fan at all but, as I have said before, Eminem is, in my opinion, THE poet of our generation.

Incredible album...the best since the Marshal Mathers LP.

There's a song on there called Spacebound in particular that is just freakin' brilliant... as well as a duet with Rihanna that's incredible too. In fact, I've listened to the whole thing three times without skipping a track and I love it all.

Looking for a quality album? Get that one!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day

I hadn't really thought about Father's Day this year. With so, so much going on it seemed almost irrelevant.

My son had other idea. Unknown to me, he's had stuff in the pipeline for a few weeks, adied by my Sister. So at 7am this morning, as he had already previously arranged, my sister came to my place with her little one and they quite silently prepared breakfast for me. They woke me just before 9... presenting me with a breakfast to die for and a few other bits and pieces.

My boy has been saving up his chores money and has bought me 2 tickets to see Santana in Manchester in October. Add to that the home made card, poem and football shirt and he's worked his little socks off to save.

He's been doing extra chores with my sister since the beginning of May too.

I'm feeling rather appreciated today and so incredibly proud of my son... as ever :)

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Let Me Know...

Choices made
And games we played
Left our memories stained.

But stains wash out
With time, my friend.
And maybe we’ll erase the end

Find our way
Back to the start
Your absence weighs
Upon my heart.

If there’s a way,
To fix or mend
The damage done
And to be friends...

....let me know.


My son has been struggling to cope with the death of his Mother recently, with emotional outbursts at random times. We've been making a lot of time for talking and this morning he asked about my Father, who died when I was 5 (the same age at which my son lost his Mother).

He asked what I remember of my Dad and to see the few pictures I have. It seemed to help him to express himself better about his Mother. I was 24 when I lost my Mother, so was in a position where I had the emotional maturity to deal with it better than he can. So for me to put myself back in my five year old shoes I think allowed him to relate a little better and feel less like he's the only person to ever suffer this.

It helped a lot.

And as I'm thinking about it.... a song that makes me think of both of my parents....

Thursday, June 17, 2010

[Insert Sad Face]

I am currently sitting in my apartment staring blankly out into a sunny June afternoon. I should be in the office. But I received a call a short while ago from my son’s school.

“Could you come and get him? He’s very, very upset.”
“Why’s he upset?”

“He won’t tell us. He wants you.”

So I immediately went to pick him up and he was indeed hysterically upset. He couldn’t even speak for the tears.

“What’s the matter? What’s happened?” I asked as I picked him up and wrapped my arms around him.

“I don’t want to tell you.”

I thought it best to get him out of there and see if he would talk to me alone, without the prying eyes of his teachers and a well-meaning, but very annoying, school secretary. As soon as the car door was closed he started to talk.

“I want my Mum.”

This is happening more and more frequently and, although I’m not surprised, I do hate to see him suffering so much. He couldn’t say what had triggered it today. As I gather, he was just sitting in a classroom and started thinking about her.

What happened to his Mother was terribly sad and sudden. She was diagnosed with cancer just in the summer of 2009. It was already advanced by the time it was diagnosed and had spread to her bowel. She was hospitalised and incredibly weak as a result of the treatment and died in hospital as a result of a hospital acquired infection. No fault of the hospital. Just a simple fact of life that when your body is weak and immune system is non-existent you become susceptible to such.

I’m somewhat angry that she had to die. I’ve discovered this about myself. Of course for her – she deserved to see her 30th, 40th, 50th birthday parties. She deserved to see our son turn 6, 7, 17, 37…. But I’m also angry for my son who was denied the opportunity to grow up with his Mother.

I see him now so completely tormented. I should add that my boy is brilliant… I know all parents say that, but he really is. He’s incredibly intelligent and acutely aware of so much more than I was at his age. He knows what’s making him feel glum and he knows he can’t get her back. But no matter how intelligent a child is, emotional intelligence comes with age, not brain power. So he has all these feelings and he knows why – but he cannot deal with them.

He fell asleep after a cuddle when we got home. Cried himself to sleep and continues to sob in his sleep a little too. There’s just no way to describe the frustration of not being able to give you baby the one thing that will make him all better. There’s a fix to my boy’s heartbreak, but I can’t get it. I can’t bring her back.

A year ago he was a happy 5 year old spending a good balanced amount of time with myself and with his Mother. This summer, he’s a 6 year old boy grieving his Mum.

The school tries not to put too much of an emphasis on what happened. They don’t want to make him feel like they’re looking at him or watching him etc. I appreciate that a lot. And he and I fill our time well enough that he can be more than the little boy grieving for his Mummy. I think that’s important. He’s the little boy poet, he’s the little boy genius, he’s the little boy who loves tennis with a passion and he’s the little boy with a fine sense of humour. But no matter how many things he is or does, we can’t change the fact that he’s also the little boy who lost his Mum and is trying to find a way to deal with it.

It doesn’t matter how many ways you fill the hours of the day, the pain will find a way to rear its head. Less and less as the years go on, admittedly, but it will from time to time. Today was an example of that. Because my boy’s days are so full of things (something he and I both love about life) the emotions just found their way through and burst out in the middle of everything.
I want to heal him, make it better. I know how much that little heart aches right now. I’m bitter than his first heartbreak was this. Your first heartbreak should be aged about 14 because the girl you have a crush on kisses the guy you don’t like… it shouldn’t be because you lose a parent at 5. I hate that he has to go through this. I keep saying that, I know. And no matter how many times I repeat it to myself it doesn’t go away.

Life’s incredibly cruel sometimes.

When he wakes up, we’ll go for a run with our dogs, come home and order pizza. I’m taking tomorrow off and I am not sending him to school. We need some guy time. 

Shit Stirrers...

After a bit of digging and a tip off from a buddy, I've recently found out that there's a possibility someone I actually thought of as a friend is behind the whole "plagiarism" issue I spoke about the other day.

Now, I said at the time I don't know whether this third party site set up copying Skylar's poetry was set up by Skylar herself or someone else. And I still don't know. I certainly won't lose any sleep whichever way. But after a wee bit of digging things seem to be pointing in the direction of someone I actually thought of as a friend... well... hmm... I say friend but I guess I mean "acquaintance." Either way, someone I got on ok with (despite an early hiccup because, shock, horror, I didn't want to cyber with her).

Anyway, I'm giving away too much info! LOL. But the point is that I have a real good (techincally based) indicator that this is the source of the problem and it got me thinking.... why oh why do people not have better things to do with their lives than to try and upset pixel people they know virtual worlds? I don't get it!

So for any other shit stirrers out there unaware of anything else you could possibly spend your time doing, here's a list:-

- Go for a walk. Remind yourself of the colour of the sky.
- Eat.
- Drink.
- Visit a family member.
- Tend to your children. Remember them??
- Knit a f***ing sweater
- Visit a museum
- Play boardgames
- Write a diary
- Do ANYTHING else.

I pity the people that pull this shit (though pity more their children). I mean, really? Is life ever so pointless that this is all there is to do?

Anyway... just a thought.

On a more positive note, I landed a MASSIVE contract in the business side of my life, largely thanks to my trip I made last week. Yay me!!!

Monday, June 14, 2010

SES and Toronto

So.... I realise my first post since I got back from Toronto was somewhat "unchirpy." Unfortunately, that's occasionally necessary and I now feel as though I've made my point. So that's done :)

As for the trip itself - wow :D I really had an amazing few days, both professionally and personally. On the professional front I made some amazing contacts that will prove incredibly beneficial as I go forward in business here in the UK. There were some wonderful talks and seminar style events and, most interestingly perhaps, Maile Ohye, Senior Developer Programs Engineer at Google. She talked about the recent Google algorithm change (dubbed 'MayDay,' and briefly about the Caffeine indexing update which was massively informative.

On the personal front, my friend's girlfriend joined us on the Thursday evening(earliest flight she could get) so while my evenings on the Wednesday and Thursday were limited to dinner then bed generally (early starts) the weekend was a social affair.

I managed to catch the England vs USA footie game (I LOVE THE WORLD CUP, despite a disappointing result) and did plenty of sightseeing too. But perhaps the best part of it for me was the fact that I was able to spend some quality time with Chloe. That girl is just incredible and absolutely gives me the best feeling I have felt in years. She's such vibrant company, a really dynamic personality. She is always up for a good laugh and a joke. It's just so, so much fun. But what I think is proving the most spectacular part of it for me is the fact that it runs way deeper than just fun, without taking the fun element away. We can just sit cuddled up on a couch talking... and I can literally talk to her about anything. I've never been completely open with anyone before this about some things that bother me. I tend to be a much better written communicator than face-to-face chatter when it comes to 'deeper' stuff. But it's not the case. She asks questions about my Mother, about my son's Mother and about my Father. Whereas, in previous relationships, I've been closed off to answering questions about that even months and months in, right now, just weeks into our relationship, I feel completely comfortable telling her absolutely anything.

And... my head doesn't turn. That's not to say I don't appreciate a good looking girl but I'm just not interested. I admit to having spent a couple of years opting for casual flings over relationships, very much deliberately. That's largely because I have had a misconstrued idea about what relationships mean. I have always associated them (and it has always proved the case that I was right with the women I had relationships with) with control. I always found it suffocating to have a girlfriend who would be upset if I was busy or if I had too much on to see her more than a couple of times a week. I also have found that I tended to go for girls who I thought were straightforward and ended up not being. I'm shit at reading people... If I ask a girl if she's ok, I can normally tell if she doesn't mean it. But in a couple of relationships I have been with girls who are so, so convincing when they say "fine," but who later throw stuff back in your face when they previously assured you they were fine. I have never been able to cope with grudge bearers and I'm terrible at dealing with jealousy and ultimatums. Perhaps just because of the women I have had relationships with, I have come to associate these things as being part and parcel of relationships.

I'm not getting that with Chloe and I absolutely do not feel remotely stifled, controlled or suffocated. It's just so refreshing to be in a position where I can't get enough of someone. It's wonderful and I have had the most amazing few days getting even closer to the girl. I'm seriously a lucky, lucky guy.

So really, when I consider everything going right for me, a little bit of drama matters nothing. Life is good.... really good :D

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Drama and Bullshit

I made the decision while I was away that I wouldn’t be checking my personal emails, only my business ones. It’s a decision I am glad that I made as the second I do so, I am being informed left, right and centre about more drama being caused by a former Second Life fling.

I’m not a fan of naming names on blogs, to be honest. But here, I have to make an exception. Many of you will have heard me talk about Skylar Smythe, someone I met in the world of Second Life and had a brief online romance with during last year. I regularly tell people how awesome she is and, which is particularly relevant here, how talented a poet she is. However, things have been rather tense between us and we’re no longer in touch. She wants that (so she says) and so do I. Radio silence.

So imagine my surprise when, just before I left last week I got an email threatening to invent some pixel complaint to report me for “if I give her any shit.” Completely out of the blue – so I thought. But now it seems she is actually accusing me of plagiarising her poetry within her posts on and within the comments there too.

Now, let me say it again. I love most of Skylar’s work. I do not write erotic poetry. Never have. I have played no part in Skylar’s work. Anything on is her work and at no stage have I ever even attempted to make anyone believe it’s anything to do with me. Quite the opposite. Anything I publish is written by me - and if I publish anything written by someone else that's clearly marked.

It seems a third party site has been set up and is hosting a lot of Skylar’s poems, passing them off as originals of whoever it is that set the blog up. Now Skylar’s accusing me of setting this site up. She seems to think I have such a piss poor boring life with so little to do that I have time to go setting blogs up pretending to steal her poetry. Wtf?

I don’t know whether someone is actually plagiarising her work or whether it’s a site she’s set up herself as an opportunity to play the victim, to be honest. But I want to make crystal clear that it’s absolutely nothing to do with me.

Skylar has a nasty habit of spreading rumours and gossip about people – then standing up and preaching about how she never does that. Annoying to say the least. I know the way she’s spoken about her supposedly “close friends,” to me (and have emails from her complaining about said friends and saying some pretty harsh stuff). So I know exactly the kind of lies she will be spreading about me as we speak. Having been caught red handed lying about me to another friend several months ago, she was forced to admit telling “untruths,” about me and even though it was supposed to never happen again, it seems here we are and it’s happening again.
But for the record – her poetry is her work. I have had nothing to do with it. I don’t write erotica. End of story.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Travels and Thoughts

So tomorrow morning, I will be heading off to the SES convention and will be away for a few days and off the blog. I'm excited. A new city, new things to see and much fun to be had.

My girlfriend and my best friend (and potentially his girl subject to her being able to get the flight, she's working on it right now) will be coming along for the ride and it's finally starting to feel like something I am excited about doing. What with my son not being on top form at the minute and a few other bits and pieces, visiting Toronto has been something I've been very nervously anticipating. But now I'm genuinely excited, looking forward to it and genuinely can't wait for some exploration time.

Chloe and I had a good long talk this evening before she went off to get packed up for the night. She's been having some stick with some friends who aren't keen on her lifestyle choice (ie a heterosexual relationship with a Father) and it's been making her feel a little uncomfortable. It seems we're all good though, as she told me;

"If they love me as much as they should, then they should just be happy to see me as happy as I am. I'm not giving this up."

And I'm not either.


So, have a great week and weekend, ladies and gents, and I will be back on Sunday!

To My Son....

I won’t always get it right, son.
Sometimes I’ll make mistakes.
Some days will be horrific, son,
This life it gives and takes.

I cannot promise sunshine,
Nor can I assure the warmth,
But I promise you my shelter
Through the hardest, coldest storms.

I can’t fix all that’s broken,
I can’t chase off your fears,
But I’ve got a host of sweaters
That are great at drying tears.

I can’t stamp out your nightmares,
Though I swear, I’ve tried my best.
Instead I’ll sit beside your bed
To guard you as you rest.

Today, tomorrow, every day,
Until this life is done.
I’ll guard you, guide you, love you
Unconditionally, my son.

Lunch Time Treat...

So, today's my last day in the office before I head off for the SES convention in Toronto. My better half has been spending some time away frmo me for "headspace," and the plan was that we would see one another when I got back on Sunday. So imagine my surprise when she popped in for lunch today.


"Oh, Chloe! Hey! What are you doing here?"

"Apologising for being a complete numpty and hoping you might come for lunch with me?"

Needless to say I made time for a lunch break and a cheeky smooch :P Half way through lunch she asked me,

"Sooooo... room for one more in that hotel room of yours?"

It seems headspace was as difficult for Chlo as it was for me (cheesy grin here) and she's worked out a few days to be able to drag her cute little bum to the other side of the Atlantic with me.


Eminem is a Poet

"I'd shoot for the moon but I'm too busy gazin at stars I feel amazing and I'm not afraid."

Say what you will about rappers (and believe me, rap isn't my preferred genre) but Eminem is one freakin' gifted guy.

Now, as many of you may know, I am a slam poetry fanatic. I just love it! The only people who ever talk down slam poetry and this type of spoken word are the poetry snobs who insist it should be about tapping out syllables on tables and pretentious vocabulary. For me... poetry is about creative expression and Eminem does it amazingly.

To me, Eminem is THE poet of our generation and his lyrics get better and better with every new release.

Loving his latest track, Not Afraid.

Lyrics, for anyone questioning whether this is poetry or not....

Yeah, it's been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you're tryin to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just lettin you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

You could try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take the sting out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'ma let you stop me from causin mayhem
When I say 'em or do somethin I do it, I don't give a damn
what you think, I'm doin this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if it thinks it's stoppin me
I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony
No if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he
From "Infinite" down to the last "Relapse" album
he's still shittin, whether he's on salary paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He's married to the game, like a fuck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the Earth, he's got the urge
to pull his dick from the dirt, and fuck the whole universe

I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just lettin you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

Okay quit playin with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth, for that
Fuck your feelings, instead of gettin crowned you're gettin capped
And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let's be honest, that last "Relapse" CD was ehhh
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain't goin back to that now
All I'm tryin to say is get back, click-clack, blaow
Cause I ain't playin around
It's a game called circle and I don't know how, I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryin to figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't, this fuckin black cloud
still follows, me around but it's time to exorcise these demons
These muh'fuckers are doin jumpin jacks now!

I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just lettin you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

And I just can't keep living this way
Sooo starting today, I'm breaking out of this caaaaage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally
for you, so I could come back a brand new me you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they could do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
my world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
and drop dead, no more beef flingers
No more drama from now on, I promise
to focus solely on handlin my responsibilities as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof, like my daughters
and raise it, you couldn't lift a single shingle on it!
Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club
or the corner pub, and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I'm raising the bar
I'd shoot for the moon but I'm too busy gazin at stars
I feel amazing and I'm

I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just lettin you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

Monday, June 7, 2010


My son has started to have nightmares again recently. We thought we'd got them taken care of, but evidently not.

He can never explain what they are about but he always wakes up crying for his Mum...which is the hardest thing in the world to see.

"Mum's in Heaven, remember?"

"But I need her to come back."

How can you answer that?

So at four this morning when he was up crying for her, we had a chat about it.

"I want her to come back too, you know," I told him.

"Do you miss her?"

"Yep. I think I miss her almost as much as you do."

He didn't say much and I thought he'd fallen asleep there in my arms. But a few minutes later he told me,

"It hurts me here," and pointed to his chest, "I miss her here."

I was a bit taken aback with a comment like that from my six year old. Deep to say the least. But I thought about it and.. well... you know when you're rally upset or yo're just so completely grief stricken, there is a physical discomfort there. I never really thought of it like that before.

"That's a broken heart," I told him.

"I broke my heart?" he asked.

"No. Not actually broken. But that's what we call it. When something makes us really sad, we say it breaks our heart, but only when it's really, really, really sad."

"Did your Mum break your heart?"

"Well it wasn't her fault. But when she had to go to heaven it broke my heart, yes. And when your Mum had to go to heaven too that broke my heart as well."

"Can you fix it?"

"No. Not properly. But it won't hurt that much forever, you know. Eventually it will start to feel better," I assured him.

"How do you know?" he asked.

I pointed out a scar I have on my back and assured him, "See, a broken heart is a bit like a nasty cut. If you get a realy bad injury it really, really hurts at first. But then it starts to heal until you can't feel it all the time. And then you get a scar... and the scar isn't something that hurts you every day but you still know it's there."

"Have I got a big cut on my heart?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"I think I have."

"You know what's good for that right?"


"Hot milk!"

He eventually fell asleep again nearer to 6am. I didn't bother going back to bed. Instead I sat on the floor beside his bed and watched him sleep.

I never ever realised what unconditional love was until my son came into my life. I would do literally anything in the world to take his pain away.

I remember my Mother telling me about a similar conversation she had with me when I was roughly his age and was coming to terms with my Father's death. Until the early hours of this morning, I really never understood just how tough my Mother's life was. A severely broken heart of her own that she didn't have time to tend to because she had 2 children suffering the same ailment.

My Mother was a Goddess.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Funny Thing, Life....

So, it's with permission that I divulge what I am about to divulge about Chloe. For anyone not familiar with the name, Chloe is a girl I have known for a number of years, though recently started a relationship with.

One thing I haven't mentioned on here is that Chloe has never previously had a relationship with a man. She's had several relationships, (one of which was super long term) with women and, prior to me, said she simply wasn't interested in men. That's fine... my arrogance and ego allows me to take that as a super compliment lol.

It's something of a lifestyle jump, to come out of a long term lesbian relationship and find yourself soon after in a relatinship with someone who is not only male but is also the only parent of a somewhat smart 6 year old. She loves my son and he loves her but the lifestyle switch is massive.

I guess I sort of let that slip by me and when, on Friday, Chloe told me "I think we need a couple of weeks worth of headspace," I was a bit taken aback.

"Head space? Umm... have a I pissed you off?"

"No, Adam. This is just moving at a really fast pace and it was only a few months ago that I was with a woman I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with."

"I see."

"You're upset," she observed.

"No. Down. I don't know what to say."

"Just say that you're ok with me taking a couple of weeks. It's not over. I just need to adjust. I'm falling in love with you and I absolutely adore your son but this is such a big change. I just need some space to adjust. Please?"

"Ok. I understand."

"So I'll see you when you're back from Toronto?"

"You bet."

I do understand, for the record. The lifestyle change hasn't been anywhere near as significant for me. Some of her friends have been a little off with her for getting involved with a guy and the dynamic has changed in her group of friends too. It's a much trickier situation for her than it is for me.

So I'm doing as requested and offering headspace. :) But for the record, Chlo... I'll be on your doorstep this time next week :P


Only by the Night

You know when you listen to an album you haven't listened to for a while and have one of those, "F**k this is awesome," moments? Well I am having that today. I am taking a day to myself to get packed for my midweek trip to Toronto. My son is with his Auntie having a fun day and Chloe is.... well a long story short... taking some head space (miss you, Chlo...). So I am sitting in my apartment packing and listening to "Only by the Night," by the Kings of Leon.

Yes, yes, so "Sex on Fire," is amazing and "Use Somebody," is incredible, but the song that defines this album for me is "Closer." What a freakin' superb band.

Friday, June 4, 2010


I'll wait for fate to find a time
To fit me and this dream of mine
Into its masterplan.

I'll stay today and fade away
In thoughts of what never became.

And still I wait.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

June Already?

Wow... June 2010.

I still remember June 2000.... even June 1990.

June was always so exciting, those last few weeks before you break up from school for the long summer holidays. The final few weeks were always packed with fun things like school trips and, more to the point, you were going to be going up a year in school after the summer holidays!

June, now that I'm (supposedly) all grown up is about the start of the summer and about preparing for my boy's long summer holiday from school.

He's terribly excited and counting down the days as he will get to spend a lot of time with me and he will be allowed to visit me in the office. He enjoys that. He loves to be in my office,sitting at my desk and playing boss. I love him being there. He brightens up the dull work day and is actually incredibly helpful.

The big excitement comes from our holiday to the Canary Islands at the end of July though. He's a little miserable that he cannot come to Toronto with me next week so I've promised him he can plan the itinery for our break in July. Cue a fairly unpredictable 2 weeks then!

Anyway folks... it's SUMMERRRRRR!!