Friday, April 30, 2010

Is Time a Healer?

Is the old adage, 'time is a healer,' factual or just a load of old rubbish?

I'm not sure.

Sometimes it seems like time has made things easier but it hasn't really, I don't think. It's just that time adds so much more to your load to think about that you have less time to process other things. That's my theory.

My Mother died 4 years ago. For the first six months afterwards my life was something of a blur. I don't think it hurt as much in those first six months as it does today. I think I miss her more now than I did then. Don't get me wrong, I don't spend my days dwelling and I'm certainly not depressed. I've so much good in my life that it helps me to maintain perspective. But there's not a single night that I don't think of her before I go to sleep and there isn't a single morning I don't wake up wishing it was all just a bad dream. But during the day, I rarely think of it. My day is a buzz of business and Fathering and it's only in the quiet moments that things begin to sting. 4 years. It doesn't hurt less. The wound isn't healed.

Then just over 6 months ago my son's Mother died. She and I were no longer together at that time - hadn't been for years. But he was only 5 at the time. When my Mother died I had the benefit of 24 years behind me and at least a little experience of dealing with life altering events. He was 5. How do you process that at 5?

The answer - better than most. I don't know what it is about children but they're so much more resilient than we give them credit for. Time isn't healing him, though. It's no easier to talk to him about it today than it was to tell him it had happened in the first place. But the one thing time is doing for him is giving him the space he needs to process the happy memories and learn how to deal. Time has taught him that he can choose a special place where he can go to talk to her. Time is teaching him that it's alright if he feels upset sometimes and time is working wonders for his ability to discuss it.

But there isn't a night he doesn't go sleep thinking of her and there isn't a morning he doesn't wake up wishing it was all just a bad dream.

And then there's relationships. The end of relationships, no matter how they end, is always awash with friends telling you, "time will make you feel better."

Does it?

Yes.... but only on the surface.

What I think really is a healer is perspective and balance. Whenever I feel down about anything I'll scribble down on a piece of paper everything good in my life

- My beautiful son.
- My incredible sister.
- My beautiful nephew.
- My closest friends.
- The fact I have a comfortable lifestyle.
- The fact that I live in a democracy.
- Did I mention my beautiful son?

So it's the good things in life that are the healers, not time...

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Egg and Cress -WTF?

Why is it that every single time I order an egg sandwich (a personal favourite of mine) from a city centre cafe it comes with CRESS??

WTF is cress?

I'll tell you what it is. It's a plant that you grow at school. Yes, when they're teaching you all about plants and growing things and nurturing etc, when they're explaining to you at 5 years old that plants need water - they have you grow CRESS. And it's not just me that happened to. My son had to grow cress last year. My friend's daughter has to grow cress. I had to grow cress, all my friends I know had to grow cress at school. It's a British phenomenon.

I always wondered... why cress? But now I have figured it out. Primary school children are forced to grow it to feed the demand for uneccesary bits of plant in egg sandwiches.


Cress??? Wtf is the point?

The Result

Yesterday I talked about the girl I'm into, the one who is into to me too but think that my 'heart belongs to' an ex.

Well, using my six year old son's theory last night I put it to her that I don't want anyone else. The result?

Well, I got a kiss. Start, right? However, it was followed by a 'but.....'

"but... I don't believe you."

"You think I'm lying?"

"Not to me. I think you're lying to yourself."

Deep. Over philosophical.

She says she hopes I'm right but that her instincts tell her otherwise and she suggested we continue to see one another casually and that we will both just 'know' when the time is right to step it up.

On one level I'm thinking, 'Wow, a girl who is actively encouraging me to see her and other people casually.' And on the other hands I'm thinking that it undermines how I feel about her.

The good news, however, is that she's interested - definitely interested. At least that's what I could gather from what she said:

"I'm smitten with you. I'm in too deep to walk but I need to know you're ready."

So I'm thinking that's a positive sign....

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Bumbling Brown

For anyone herein the UK, you'll have been hard pressed to miss the election coverage.... that will include Gordon 'Bumbling' Brown's f**k up today.

So, the man is currently sitting third in the polls, it's pretty commonly perceived that he will be out of power on 6th May. So what does he do to win back voters? He calls an old aged pensioner a 'bigot.' Let me show you...

Yes, yes. I know what you're thinking.

"What a prat."

I agree.... but not because of what he said.

First of all, the lady in question did make what could be construed as a bigoted comment in regard to the number of Eastern European immigrants arriving in the UK. Of course, that bit hasn't been played back and forth across all the news channels all day.

But Brown is a prat. He played into the old stereotype that politicians are all smiles when they're campaigning for your votes but that they're all sneers behind closed doors. Oh, and then he went creeping back up her ass. He apologised profusely on the radio and then went back to the old lady's house and spent 40 minutes apologising.

Now, a couple of things make him a prat, in my opinion, for that.

1. She made a bigoted comment. If he thought it was bigoted, why didn't he have the decency to point that out to her face?? An honest politician being honest even when it might not go in their favour is something that would actually probably WIN votes.

2. The whole apologising and creeping and claiming he misunderstood something she said. WHy not just say, "She made a comment that I found derogatory towards immigrants." Stick by your guns, Gordon. Don't just back down.

3. Oh and he is obviously a prat for not checking his mic was off! How many years have you been doing this, Gordon?

So, am I voting Labour in the coming election? Well, my options are limited. There's Conservative David Cameron, who I wouldn't trust looking after my gerbil, let alone my country. And there's Nick 'Nobody knew my name two weeks ago' Clegg for the Lib Dems. So my choices are limited.

Now, Brown lacks any real charisma, but we are just recovering from the biggest economic crisis in a generation and boy can that man crunch his numbers. So yes, I will be voting Labour.

Simplifying Things - The 6 Year Old Way

My son makes things so simple. It's the beauty of that 'hey, chill out, life's easy,' approach that children have that I love so much about them. At six years old they're not (too) tainted by cynicism.

I was talking to my boy last night about girl troubles. He's pretty popular with the ladies but has decided against 'settling down.'

"No," he tells me, "I don't want a girlfriend. I want to hold hands with all the girls."

I like his style. He's far too young to be tied to one relationship.

My girl troubles centre around the fact that there's this amazing girl I went to University with. In fact, I was marginally infatuated with her while she and I were at University together and we had a few week fling. There was a minor obstacle. She was already taken - by a woman.

Yes, the girl (call her Cutie) is absolutely a lesbian. I was, we discussed later, her 'experiment.' We remained friends long after the 'experimentation' session ended.

Then a few weeks ago she and I got back in touch when she moved back to Manchester. She's recently single having split with the same girl she was seeing all those years back. She's not too cut up over it surprisingly. She's the philosophical type, everything for a reason.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that she and I met up a few times and have been seeing one another. She tells me she's still very much into women but that I appear to be, "A really, really frustrating exception to the rule. I can't work out what it is about you."

I'm not sure whether I should be offended or flattered by that but either way, it works for me. We talked about maybe making something of it but she and I both know I've been cut up over the ending of a previous relationship for quite some time.

"You're not ready," she told me, "Your heart is still hers."

My temptation when people start talking about hearts is to make some sarcastic assed joke about donating organs but I decided against it.

"You're right," I told her.

I made a mistake.

Now couple of weeks later I realise it's actually Cutie I want and I'm not sure how to approach it. I gave my boy the lowdown and he told me,

"Dad, what's the big deal?"

"What do you mean, what's the big deal. I like one girl but I just told her I couldn't date her because of another girl I'm not even with anymore."

"So what? If she likes you it doesn't matter."

"You think?"


He then paused for a moment before continuing,

"As long as you don't want to hold hands with anyone else."

And he's right, surely. I have been overthinking it. Surely, surely, surely, if I know for sure now that I definitely don't want to hold hands with anyone else, that's enough?

I'll soon find out anyway, as I'll be seeing the girl in question this evening.

Wish me luck.