Some of my faults
- I look but I don’t always see
- I listen but don’t always hear
- I’m never wrong, especially when I really am
- I cannot back down
- I struggle to let people in
- I struggle to let go of the past
- I hold grudges
- I’m arrogant
- I am a workaholic
Nobody is perfect. But I spent a good many years trying to be and punishing myself for not being and then projecting an image of myself that wasn’t even real just so that maybe some people might think I was perfect.
But perfection does not exist. But I’m glad it doesn’t!
In fact, compatibility isn’t just about finding good things that you like in people. It’s about finding flaws that complement your own and that give people real character and personality.
I’m not a perfect Brother, I was never a perfect son, I’m not a perfect husband, I’m not a perfect friend and I am not a perfect Father.
But I love being a husband, father, brother and friend enough that I will always try my utmost to be as close to it as I possibly can be. I loved being a son enough too that whenever I fucked up (believe me, it happened a lot) I would always try and fix it and learn from it. And no matter what mistakes I made and the flaws I had I always, always, always had unquestioned respect for my Mother.
There have been two times in my entire life where, romantically, I have quickly felt: ‘this is it. This is what the poets write about.’ Twice. And in one of those cases, I was lucky enough to make that woman my wife.
But the point is, that5 indescribable magical feeling of love isn’t just down to the person with whom you fall in love. It’s about compatibility between the two of you. It’s about a fit that creates this little spark that just sets your being on fire. And that’s not just down to their positive attributes. It’s about their characteristics, both good and bad, fit with yours… like bits of a jigsaw. If someone can fill your flaws with an attribute that fits and vice versa, then you get this sense of completion. Like everything is right. This is right. This is what I have waited for and longed for and wanted.
Twice. I’ve felt it twice. And it is an incredible, incredible feeling.
But I have never been in love with anyone who thinks themselves perfect or is close to perfect. Only with people who are perfect for me.
We live in a world obsessed by perfection. Magazines photoshop models in case there’s a blemish. Kids are pushed to do better and better and better.... it's all about the perfect house, the perfect family, the perfect job.
We’re human. And nothing about humanity is perfect. Welcome to Earth, folks. Flaws are acceptable.