Tuesday, April 26, 2011



I won't cry for you on the big day. It's not my tears you want - it's my smiles. It's happiness. It's strength.

I could cry though. I could cry because the grief still wells up inside and the lump still sits in my throat and I could cry for the moments you have missed.

But you wouldn't want that.

Instead, I will imagine you there. I will imagine you enjoying picking out the wedding hat you so longed to shop for and I will imagine you sitting proudly, admiring my beautiful bride's dress and shedding your own tears of happiness as I commit my life to her.

I will imagine you straightening up my tuxedo and telling me to stand up straight, imagine you taking your seat at the head table with a glass of champagne and a twinkle in your eye - imagine you telling embarrassing tales of my childhood to Chloe's parents.

She reminds me of you, Chloe. That might sound weird... but she does. She has your strength of character and your resolute determination to do the right thing. There are some things she says to our son that are pretty much exactly things you said to me when I was growing up. He looks her the way I looked at you - with utmost love and admiration - most of the time at least.

I wish, more than anything in this world, that you were around to share the special day. Your presence would complete it.

Even though you can't be there physically though, you are there in my heart, you're then in my head and you are there in everything I do and say.

You were always right about me, Mum... I am a family man.

I love you. I miss you.
Adam x

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