We Miss You

Today, I have given my little boy the day off school and he and I are spending the day alone, visiting his Mother's memorial tree and quietly remembering, at his request. 


Today is not for sorries,
For painful worries,
For “what ifs,” “whys,”
And obvious cries of “unfair.”
Today’s for saying out loud
“I miss you, girl.”

Today is not just for sadness,
Though sadness is a
Certain side effect.
It’s for memories, for moments
And for him to say
“I miss you, Mum.”

Because even after
365 sleepless nights
The light at the end of the tunnel
Still seems so distant at times.
He’s relearning to smile,
Relearning to laugh,
Relearning to live 
And learning that living
Doesn’t mean giving up
His memories of you.

But today isn’t about
How tough it’s been
How rough it’s been
For that little boy.

It’s simply for saying
“We miss you.”

Had I Known Then

Had I known then,
What I know now,
I'd have turned
And walked right out.

I didn't want
To bear the blade
That hacked her
Dreams of love away.

Had I known then
What I know now,
I'd have turned
And walked right out

Before she fell
Into my heart
And I just tore
Her own apart.

Madre

Another poem I'm going to post. I write all the time and rarely share that much anymore so... I have decided that I'm going to change that.

So here's another:

Madre
I still beg the night time silence

To make my truth not true.

Still plead with unseen demons,

For a moment more with you.

I still find my eyes are not yet dry,

Still trying so hard not to cry

Still asking, quizzing, wondering why

Why was it you who had to die?

I still feel the pangs of agony,

Sometimes they strike, no warning.

Still find I wake up hoping it was

Just a dream each morning.

Still hear you when it’s quiet,

You echo through my mind,

Your voice still helps me gather

All the strength I need to find.

I still wish for one more minute,

To say these things stuck in my head,

The thoughts I couldn’t process

That got lost up there, unsaid.

But time is unforgiving,

So I take those thoughts and write,

And when the silence falls

I sometimes say them to the night

In the hope maybe you’ll hear me,

The voice within the black,

Crying, trying, begging,

For a way to bring you back.