Love Yourself

When I met my now wife, Chloe, she was, as she is now, a beautiful UK size 14 (US size 12). She felt insecure about her weight for the longest time and, before our wedding, she took to an intense diet and exercise regime.

She lost weight, dropping from a 14 (US 12) to a size 10/12 (8/10). And she was happy, briefly.

But she soon became obsessed even after the wedding with calorie counting. We’ve always eaten relatively healthily anyway, but she took to stopping herself having meals out a lot of time and generally became a bit unhappy with her regime.

With two babies under her belt these days, she’s back at a size 14. We’re healthy. We exercise regularly, we eat balanced meals. She just naturally sits at a size 14 and she’s beautiful for it.

Today, as she tried on a new dress for a friend’s wedding next weekend, I told her:

“You look incredible.”

“Thank you,” she responded. “I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been with my body.”

I’m so thrilled she finally feels content. She’s not stick thin. She’s not meant to be stick thin. She’s healthy, feminine, curvy and beautiful.

I love her for it. But most importantly (and it’s taken her years) she finally loves herself for it too.

My Happiness Looks Like This

Happiness looks different for different people. For some people, happiness is fine food, it's jewellery. For some, it's business success. For some, it's meeting a weight loss or a health goal, for some it is succeeding with physical challenges.

A lot of things make me smile, including some of the above (business success and succeeding in physical challenges). But just one thing makes me truly, truly happy: my family.

For me, happiness looks my one month old baby girl sleeping, or gargling at me as we sit awake at 3 or 4 in the morning while the rest of the world sleeps. It's my elder daughter, now a toddler, running to me the second I get in the door for a big cuddle. It's my son coming home from school beaming from ear to ear because he got a great grade or scored a winning goal for the football team. It's my wife waking me up in the morning with a cup of tea and a smile despite the fact that she's probably been up several times in the night with the baby. It's coming home after a long day to the four people who mean the most to me on the whole damn planet and knowing how lucky I am that I have them. It's seeing my sister and my nephew settled and happy, it's seeing my cousin and best friend settle down too. 

Cos it all worked out in the end.

For some, my lifestyle would be nothing more than monotony. I work, I come home, I spend my evenings with the family, I get up, I go to work, I come home, I spend my evenings with my family. I spend my weekends with my family. I change nappies, I clean up sick, I get up in the night to wipe tears. If you'd asked me 10 years ago my opinion on this lifestyle, you'd have been told that this would never, ever happen to me. 

But it did. And for me this is all I need.

We've all experienced loss before, I know. And having experienced the loss of some so close, I feel all the more blessed to have what I have. 

And yes, I'll curse at 4am tomorrow when the sound of cries pierce the air and, despite having been asleep for only a couple of hours and having to be up in the next couple, I will have to climb out of bed and attend to a baby. But the curse will last no more than a micro second. Because then I'll peer into her cot and she'll smile when I lift her from it. We'll go downstairs and I'll give her a bottle and we'll sit in the dark together. For that half an hour or so as she feeds and then slowly drifts back off to her dreams, it will feel, as it does every night we do this, like there's nobody else in the world awake. And that feeling there, sitting in the dark silently and drifting off to sleep with my baby daughter is the most precious one in the world.

That right there, that is what happiness is for me.

Welcome to the World Olivia Rose

2013 has started in the most wonderful way possible. My 3rd child was born a little early, but perfectly healthy shortly after 6am on New Year's Day. 

Welcome to the world, Olivia Rose, my sweet, sweet, beautiful baby girl. I love you as though I've loved you all my life, yet we've only just met.

Christmas Creeps Up and my Best Bud is Back

Christmas is less than 3 weeks. How did that happen?! It came around so quickly again. 

On Friday 21st December, I'll leave the office for a whopping 6 weeks off (thanks to Emma, my new Operations Manager, I can leave without feeling as though the world will implode)!

By the time I get back into the office, I'll have celebrated Christmas, my son's birthday, the New Year and will have a new baby son or daughter.

A lot going on.

One of the most exciting things going on? Craigy boy is back! One of my best friends and his lovely wife moved to the other side of the world a while back. He arrived back a few days ago. It's like he never left. He's totally fallen in love with my little girl, who's now toddling around and mumbling little words. He can't believe how much my boy has grown. And he has his own little bundle of joy as well.

Well, Craig, I guess we grew up. Instead of spending our first night out in ages in a club, we spent it in a quiet pub talking about (swooning over) our respective families.

It's better than it's ever been for both of us.

And as I'm unlikely to post again before Christmas, a Merry Christmas to you all. I wish you health, comfort, love and happiness. All of you. You know who you are :)

Controlling the Control Freak with the Chimp Paradox

I'm a control freak.

I like to be completely in control of every single element of my life. I think that's probably natural. But there are things we can't control:

• We can't control cancer
• We can't control mortality
• We can't control the weather
• We can't control the feelings of others
• Hell, most of the time we cannot control our own feelings

I'm learning to control my control freakish behaviours with this awesome book, The Chimp Paradox.

This book is awesome. It breaks down the mind into 3 sections:

- The human

- The chimp

- The computer

The human is the part of you that works on fact, that works without emotion and that responds based on concrete fact.

The chimp is the part of you that behaves based on emotion. The chump uses instinct and feeling to formulate its behaviours and responses.

The computer is the part of your mind that handles pre-programmed behaviours and these can be stored there by either the human or the chimp.

Identifying at any time which part of your brain is in control (the human or the chimp is as simple as asking yourself: "Do I want to feel like this or behave like this?" If the answer is no, then it's chimp behaviour.

Now, I'm not usually one for 'psycho babble' but this book is incredible. Just understanding your behaviours (the ones out of your immediate control) is incredibly powerful. If you're someone who struggles with anger, jealousy, erratic emotions or misjudged overreaction then this is for you.

Enjoy :)

Stuff That Scares Me

"You're not afraid of ANYTHING," 

said my son this morning as I swiftly took up a spider in a tissue and set it free out of the front door (as Chloe screamed on the stairs ;-)).

"Yes I am," I assured him.

"Like what?"

But before I had chance to answer he was distracted by the school holidays hyperactivity that sets in on the first Monday of the break and he'd rushed off into the garden to play football with our crazy dogs.

I was left washing the breakfast dishes with my thoughts.

I'm not as afraid as I used to be.

But I'm still scared of some things:

• I am scared of not being a good enough husband. Chloe deserves only the best. I just hope my best will always be good enough.

• I'm scared that my son and daughter and 3rd unborn child are growing up in a world with so much cruelty and evil. It scares me that one day they'll be out there as adults faced with it. 

• But I'm even more scared of being an over protective parent. I believe children have to make their own mistakes and, to some degree, discover the ugliness of humanity for themselves in many ways. It's what teaches us to protect ourselves.

• I'm scared to death of losing those I love. Aren't we all?

• I'm scared of a side of my character I know lurks somewhere. I have a tendency in the difficult times to disappear into a hole of my own self pity and it's during these times I push everyone else around me away. I am scared that side of myself is still there somewhere, though I haven't seen it for many years now.

But as I type this up sitting on the floor in a newly painted baby bedroom with a laptop, I know that in reality my fears are no different to those of anybody else. Will I be a good enough parent? Will I be a good enough spouse? Will I be just good enough? Will I be ok? Will those I love be ok?

We're human. We're all scared of something. It's life.

And when I look at my little family and our 3rd soon-to-be arrival, I know that the fears are worth it. Because for every moment I spend worrying about them all, I have a hundred moments of sheer, unrivalled joy.

To Mothers

For all of the amazing Mothers, step mothers and mother figures, you are amazing.

All of you.

Here's to the Chloes of the world who are rocks to their children, sturdy, consistent and always there with unconditional love and sound advice.

Here's to the Staceys of Manchester who work exhaustingly long hours from and are full time Mums too - cooking, cleaning, working, loving... How do you do it?

Here's to the Lisas of California whose parenting makes their children want to be their best and whose love is eternal.

Here's to the Sarahs of Nottingham who let their grown up children make their own mistakes but who will love them forever no matter what those errors are.

Here's to the Beths of Newcastle who open their homes and their hearts to troubled teenagers whose own parents have failed them. You give yourself completely and it's incredible.

Here's to the step Mothers and step Mother figures all over the world who have selflessly given themselves to children not biologically theirs, for however long or short a period. To touch the lives of children not your own (whether for a short time or forever) is one of the most selfless and precious gifts a woman can give.

Here's to the Mothers who've passed and who we think of every single day.

Here's to the unwavering advice Mothers are able to give, to the wisdom they impart and to the unforgiving lengths they go to in order to protect their children.

I've said it before and I will say it again - you amaze me.